You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
