Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
