What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
