You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
