Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
