can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
