my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
