My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
