Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
