i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
