Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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