My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
