i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Use "feeling words"
Yay
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
