I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
