So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
