Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
