a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
