Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
