He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
