So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
