your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize