you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
