What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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