yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
