I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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