is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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