Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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