She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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