i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
