I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she pinky promised me she was 18
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
