I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize