Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
