I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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