glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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