Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
