Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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