Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
