so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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