My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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