My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
