this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
