I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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