by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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