I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
