i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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