I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
