just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need moral support for this bender
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
