never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
