ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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