so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
