She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
