I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
