you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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