Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
