3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Your dad touched me again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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