apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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