So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
