Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
