Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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