Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
