I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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