just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
