Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
