I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
