I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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