Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
