ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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