were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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