Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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