the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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