shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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