i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling