i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
