She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father