How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
