just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
