Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
