If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
