It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
