haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
