Got a toothbrush?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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