Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
