Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
