went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i need some magic done to my vagina
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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