I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
