I wish I could teleport
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
