So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
